"Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive," exclaimed Charlotte Bronte. So in her head crying had a rational foundation on which every tear could be granted remission. Her outbursts celebrated the triumph of the rational over the animal side of man. Her circumstantial new friend was able to read her mind and that had a ceremonial effect on her condition of disrepair. Everyday she essayed a few wobbly steps towards her conceptual state of facile felicity, an undefinable lightness of manner. Her fantastical mind convinced her to take the easy route, casual and unrestrained. Her heart performed adroitly, readily exploiting and tricking her mind, inflicting corporal punishment unable to fall out of love. It was not that she felt betrayed that adversely weighed on her conscience. It was more that she ridiculed her bittersweet fate as it indiscriminately massacred her only hope of a picture perfect family. She had never been the type to care about her fashionably elite social group of so-called friends that joined golf clubs, formed lunch societies, and staffed soup kitchen just to put up a personal facade pretending to prototype good breeding. Why then she held on to this dimmed ray of hope with bleak prospects, blows my mind! Perhaps it was founded on deliberately obtuse and lusterless wispy memories of happiness. But could she continue living in the moment with her anchor in the past, remained to be seen.
She had read recently that science had been trying to correlate happiness and chocolate. She reflected that the pseudoscientific forerunner of chemistry today could support the hypothesis that chocolate affects the brain by releasing neurotransmitters. A mysterious alchemy brought her in proximity, however, to an insubstantial mirage on the horizon that made her not care about scientific knowledge. It's the pugilistic spirit inside her that wanted to live freely, functioning merely in a subsidiary capacity, quizzically exclaiming: "Even if science never quite figures out what chocolate does to our moods, does it really matter? If eating chocolate makes you happy, go for it."
The truth of the matter is that she really couldn't find the bandwidth to reason the sudden jump from sobbing with inarticulate sounds to feeling an aggregation of placid emotions. She didn't really feel that it was appropriate to key-out this state of contentment. It was probably a fleeting sublunary pleasure and would be terrestrial to simplify it into user defined, user customizable building blocks. She disposed her mind to simply relishing it and basking in its glory. She also acknowledged that she needed to harmonize her 'happiness' with her current milieu instead of resonating with the classic 'grass is greener on the other side' progression of chords. If only she could stop her thoughts from occurring, she could achieve this balance between her mind and heart and freely vacillate between intense emotion and a sedative state.
Today was special. As I mentioned, she had found a friend who in her own skin and own set of faintly related problems, was a well-chosen and well-placed addition to her 'not established beyond doubt' life. She looked forward to her substantive interactions with her friend. They were both the same age for all practical purposes and shared an indistinguishable small sad feeling that coincided exactly when superimposed. They had selfsame and yet unnaturalized stories and coincidentally shared same space in one of those mundane weekly meetings that no one cared for. They were sharply contrasted in character with their hopes antithetical to their beliefs. She grew up in the western world accustomed to her current way of living, whereas her friend was nurtured in one of the most populated nations in the world. How they managed to find the centroid of the unlimited expanse of their lives, intrigues my mind.
Today, their scheduled exit from their abstruse labyrinthine was about to materialize. They were both resolute and unshakeable and yet impregnated with fear of the unknown that lay ahead. It's not like they could both disappear into an unfathomable bottomless gulf, but the fate of their legacy remained questionable. Every day they'd analyze their level of contentment in their lives and weigh the pros and cons of being able to commit to the feeling of 'good.' They were, however, dramatically so, smug with the glow of self-congratulation today. Today marked their freedom to speak and think without externally imposed restraints. It was their day to celebrate themselves and nothing would ruin it. As they shared their probably last lunch as married women, they were content to obliviously comment on their hollow victory variously commenting on their bold step forward in life. They apportioned and parceled their belongings as they ravaged through their disgruntled years, grateful not to have invited misery by procreating to this chaotic assemblage of well-chosen and not so well-chosen fortunes. They continued to sip on to their affordable glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, savoring every minute of this moment they had been hopelessly waiting for.
They did not care to indulge in any realistic future plans or engage in mindless disposition of their energy by discussing their past. They clustered around their purpose of mere existence. They were hapless victims of spiritual healing and arduously believed in their way ahead into the unclaimed unknown.
I envy them for being so hopelessly optimistic and being able to find one another. They can conquer their fears and take possession of their inhibitions. Their intersecting and yet parallel lives may very well sustain themselves in a dimension far too complicated for the human eye and yet for them it imparts vitality and energy, not canned for the rest of the society. My cryptic mind can't fathom their relationship and yet I theatrically pose for a deep effect on my psyche all the while attempting to feel their liberated feeling. I don't know where they are heading and whether or not I will be a part of their undefined lives but I know I will treasure them and how I feel when I'm around them.
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