My Acquaintance

All the creases on my face narrate a story with some level of authority. You don't know what I've been through and yet you accept my eccentricities and unconventional behavior, like a circularity that has a different center. This instrumentality that connects us has an overwhelming quality to it. Perhaps not because you have mastered the art of tolerating high pitched monkeys or magpies chattering in the trees but perhaps because this cackle fills a certain nameless void in your life that you yourself are unaware of. I fail to catch with my senses the point of lamenting in your absence. It may peradventure be that without your support I'll be ruling in a vacuum, annulled by my own internal conscience as I float in an impalpable, ethereal space of ineptitude. I sit here, thoughtless, bickering my heedless self-interest in merely hearing your ludicrous questions or even merely seeing your shadow as it appears and disappears from the ground underneath me without being able to intelligently allot a specific sensation to it. You know how the sensation produced by pressure receptors in your skin leaves you with an unelaborated elementary awareness of stimulation. It can be compared to just that, it being this nonsensical feeling I so smartly attribute to the meaningless and yet dazzlingly heightened interest in your presence. 

Our relationship is definitely out of the ordinary, with a peculiar sense of humor, as found in nature in the elemental form, morphing each time we interact. I don't know what to call it yet, something I haven't come to terms with yet because appellative function of primitive naming ritual is a skill I proudly own. 

But I'm not setting out to write a bathetic novel effusively displaying emotions. You must see me as a hard-nosed realist, guided by practical experience rather than ideology and theory. That's a regrettable outcome of being an extrovert and having had first hand interaction with possibly million acquaintances. You learn to accept trial friendships, as I call them. It primarily entails a preliminary competition to determine qualifications, and then successful candidates must participate in a trial of skill. A skill to test connectedness between two individuals. Preferred usage of this skill would be in a more long term relationship between these individuals, in other words friendship. The absence of fences creates a mysterious intimacy in which no one knows privacy. But to get to that point, you have to learn to trust with your heart. In today's geological time where people have overcrowded and cluttered lives, I just cannot seem to find that favorably disposed face. 

Let me come full circle and close the loop here. I'd be an intentionally untrue, mendacious child if I told you I was comfortable with my new, cheerfully irresponsible, harum-scarum, youthful uncaring disposition towards you. You are still very much a part of my life as I agitatedly wait to hear from you without being prompted. I will continue to think about you as I have those victorious moments with my deranged career aspirations. On one end, I cherish knowing you with unreasoning fondness and on the other I realize with complete confidence that if I ceased to exist tomorrow it would make no difference to your life. And hence bafflingly, I will not name our relationship because that would be quotidian and commonplace and even you know that I'm everything but that.